I Give Up

You know what?? I give up. I give up life, I give up trying. I don't care about anything anymore. Since you want to control my life, then what's the point? Right now, NOTHING can cheer me up. MY LIFE IS FUCKING OVER. All I'm going to do all day is study and get straight A's again, until you're happy, until I finally turn 18 and do whatever the fuck I wanna do.

I Really Hate My Life Right Now

My life is crumbling into pieces.
I'm useless so I'm hopeless.
I know it'll be better in time but what about now?
I have to keep myself busy, so I can forget about all the pain that this has caused me.
It's easy to do that at school, but what about at home?
How am I supposed to distract myself at a place where most of the bad things have happened?
How am I supposed to keep from crying, when you keep reminding me of it, of how much you keep trying to help us, but the pain he is causing you, is killing you.
I love him, but I hate him.
I miss him, but I never wanna see him.
It's starting to slowly kill me too.

Regrets and Basketball?

So on Friday I was watching a bunch of kids playing basketball, and I saw this 'tall' kid knock some other kid's glasses off right when he was about to shoot. The glasses dropped and he didn't make it. I just sat there and watched. I regret it. I should've got up and done something about it. I know the 'tall' kid, so on Monday I'm going to confront him.

Again

You had to go ruin everything again!?!??! What the actual fuck???? I thought you changed. I thought you learned. I never want to see your stupid, ugly face ever again, you fucking whore.

New Thing

I have this thing on the side, where you can click and it will take you to a page where you can read all my stories or dreams.

Sometime in July 2010 I had this dream....

So basically, kids were living on their own, no parents. I had a "pack", we lived together, took care of each other, we were a family. I happened to be the only girl in the group, so everyone took extra care of me. There were these bad guys, and we were trying to catch them, but we didn't know where they were. There were a bunch of scrambled words on a billboard. Me and the quiet kid figured it out and said, "BEHIND RED MACBOOK PRO." So we decided to go to the apple store building, where they sold those. The bad guys were indeed there. I was like doing parkour and was all ninja and stuff, until I spotted the main group and I froze. One slight movement and I would get caught. I accidentally moved my hand just a tad bit and they saw me and started chasing me, but I got away. Later that night, the "leader" of our pack and I went to go see one of his friends. He was pretty damn hot! He had all black clothes on and long spiky hair (kinda like a Mohawk but not, I can't really explain). He was near this fountain and he had all his stuff set up there, I guess he was too old to be in a pack, and he was alone. I sat down on this edge (not the fountain) and him and the leader were talking in front of me, when he "accidentally" brushed his hand against my knee twice. So I thought to myself, that if he does it again, I will do something about it. When he did, I suddenly, without thinking, grabbed his hand. They keep on talking but he flipped my hand around and started to trace lines on the palm of my hand, with his finger. Whenever his finger touched my palm, it felt like a hot sting. He then lets go of my hand and took the leader to the side to talk quietly. I heard the leader say,"Okay, I'll have her stay," and he left. He turned around and came up to me and took my hand and started to dance. I didn't know how to dance, so I kept looking down so I wouldn't step on his feet. But he took my chin and lifted it up, meaning for me to stop. So I stepped on his foot, and I started to say sorry over and over again, but he waved it off. So I finally got the whole dancing thing down. So then with the hands that were holding mine, he slipped both of them down to my waist, and I wrapped my hands around his neck. Then in a really quick move, he pulled me up really close so our noses were touching, and he kissed me.

Coming Soon

Soooo I'm going to make a page for my dreams. This is mainly for me, because I want to remember my dreams, and I don't wanna write them somewhere where my parents can see, and I also wanna share them with you guys, cause I have some really kick ass dreams. *EDIT* I'm gonna post them on the normal home page but then there will be a thing on the side or top where you can click for my dreams, stories,.....

Chapter 3

           So there I was, sketching in my notebook, like I always do in first period, when the teacher calls on me. Ohhhhh shit! I don't even know the fuck that's going on here. Everyone was staring at me and I felt my face getting really hot, but then I look on the board and I saw the question, it was a review from our homework, so I answered it and I got it right. The teacher is always picking on me because I never pay attention in class, yet I still manage to get straight A pluses on all her tests. Also, I look like I live in Hot Topic, so she's probably just being judgmental. Everyone's attention went back to the board except one person. Darren, the most amazing boy that I have ever met. He has blazing blue eyes, straight dark hair, and the most perfect smile ever. He's funny and immature, but smart and serious at times. He sits in front of me and I can smell his cologne from here, it's amazing. He's the reason why I wake up every morning, excited, to go to school. He smiled and said, "Nice save." and then turned back around. He gives me butterflies in my stomach, just by looking at me. I haven't even really actually talked to him before, but, you know. I just don't know what to say to him, I'm a very shy person. RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG! The bell for first period rang and I was getting my stuff into my backpack, I didn't fully zip it up, because my class was on the other side of the school, and I would be late. I got up and started to walk out of the room when something tripped me, and made me fall on my face and make everything in my backpack spill out. I looked up and saw Marissa and her group laughing at me. That bitch tripped me on purpose! I start to put everything in my backpack when Darren bends down and starts to help me. He picked up my sketchbook that was laying open on the ground and started looking through the drawings. "Wow, you're a really good drawer." he said. I was so nervous, but I managed to choke out a thanks before it got awkward. He stopped at a picture of a good looking guy. "I like this one the best" he said. I wonder if he noticed that the drawing was based off of him. He put the notebook in my backpack and helped me up. Then he smiled at me and said goodbye, and I couldn't help but blush so much. On my way out, Marissa pulled me over and said, "I hope you know that he doesn't like you, he just feels sorry for you."

            "I don't give a fuck!" I snapped and I walked away.

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All Time Low insulted on 92.3

So it was yesterday, when a new All Time Low single was released and it's awesome (Download Here)! A lot of people were trying to get it on the radio, so they kept texting and calling the radio station, so they would play it. However, when they played it, they also threw in a bunch of nasty and unnecessary comments that, me as a fan, hurt my feelings, a lot. You can watch a video on YouTube that has the entire thing here. So on tumblr, I saw someone emailed the radio station a very strongly worded letter, so I decided to do the same thing, and I want you guys to please send them an email saying how rude they were and that self harm is not a joke here. It would mean a lot.